The Metro Pad

Every Day Millions (Don’t Quote Me On That) Read The Metro Newspaper…

What A Load Of Fucking Shit There Is In There!

So On A 19 Minute Journey From Clapham Junction To Peckham Rye I Decided To Liven Up My Copy

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Questions

Thought About Life And I Laughed

Thought About Life And I Laughed

 

Q&Q – Questions And Questions

 

One Day I Would Love To Meet Another Being Who Revels In Answering Questions With Questions As Much As I Do. There’s A Tendency In This World To Demand Answers, To Force Them Out Of People. Why?

 

At The End Of The Day, The Bible Nor The Big Bang Theory Are Definitive, So What Will We Ever Actually Know!

 

Embrace The Empty Space That Your Mind May Sit In When It Asks Why? Or How?

 

And Don’t Let Unanswered Questions Get You Down. Allow Them To Better Yourself, Search And Explore More.

 

Be Strong.

 

Live Life How You Want.

 

@FindFe

 

Peace & Power

Emotions

Wrote This Poem A While Ago…

Emotions – Felix Dean

Emotions,

Why Do We All Suppress Them,

Rumour Has It That If We Open Our Mind Then They’re The Best And,

We All Make Out That We Give A Lot And Get A Lot Less Then,

We’re Scared To Give Again,

Love Only Shown To Our Closest Friends And The Ones That Stand Outside The Box It Takes A Lot,

See,

I Look Back At Memories,

Puzzles That I Thought Were Complete,

Retracing My Steps Pieces Stick To My Feet And I See They Weren’t So Secure So I Have To Make A New Path,

I Ended The Conversations But You Had The Last Laugh,

I Guess,

Maybe It’s For The Best That I Never Find Out,

About The Cocktail I Was Swimming In,

Reaching For The Surface But The Sun Light In My Eyes Is The Only Part I Saw Of You,

A Blurry Image Distorted As I Drowned Myself In My Own Thoughts About What You Might Be Doing,

How Many Other Men You Are Pursuing,

Yet,

You Tell Me You Love Me,

To Me That’s A Black Word,

One Whispered In Ears But Never Heard,

Ticked Off The Check List For The Fear Of Living In Limbo Started To Close In,

So I Lie To You And I Lie To Myself,

For Some Reason I Keep On Chasing Materialistic Wealth,

When I Know The Feelings Inside Are What It’s All About,

But I’ve Always Been The Kind To Bend The Rules,

Fools Gold Keeps On Foolin’ The Fools,

I Guess I’m A Fool For Being Fooled And I Fell For You And What I Thought You Had To Offer,

Mixed Messages,

Elaborate Sentences That Went On And Swayed From The Matter At Hand,

We Spoke Of Lavish Holidays Where We Would Connect Over White Sand,

But The Only White Sand We Saw Was So Small That It Was Measured It Grams,

We All Described Ourself As Understanding But We Never Understand,

How A Solid Foundation Falls Away & The Past Quite Often Pops Up Out Of Nowhere And Fails Future Plans,

Now I’m On Two Knees And I’ve Got My Hands On My Head,

You Look Down Deep Into My Eyes And I Said…

Fuck What Anybody Else Says Or Advise, If This Is Right Then It’ll Be, If Not Then We Take Our Own Lead, Head To The Furthest Horizon And Leave Behind The Shadows Of Me Because I’m A Dream – White Lies Constantly Whispered In Your Ear So Naturally I’m Not All That I Seem…

 

 

Peace & Power

What The Fuck Was I Thinking…

Last Night I Was Very High… And I Often Write Freestyles That I Look Back On And Think ‘What The Fuck Was I Thinking?’ – Though, There’s Usually A Line Or Two That I Look At And Think ‘What The Fuck Was I Thinking…’

So Here It Is…

 

Perfect Peace,

In The Deepest Sleep,

Is When I Think About Loved Ones Laid To Rest In Peace,

But Weirdly That Is When I Feel Most Free…

 

Peace & Power

 

@FeFeDean

You’re So Different…

This Is Something I Have Been Waiting To Address For A While Now…

It Really Annoys Me When I See People Tweeting ‘yuk he’s so diffrnt aroun hiz boiz than he iz with me’ Or Something Along The Same Lines…

I Understand What Your Point Is. It Can Be Weird When You See Two Different People In One Person, BUT To Me – That Is Totally Natural…

Not One Person On This Planet Is Identical, So EVERY Person Brings Out Something Different In You. A Different Response. Emotion. Action. Thought.

Conversations With Different People Pull Responses From You. A Reason Why I Believe Conversations With Multiple People Enhance Our Understanding Of The World. You Learn So Much About Yourself In How You Respond To Others.

An Example Being – My Mother Asks Me “How Was Your Day?” And I Respond…

My Boy Asks – “What You Been On Today?” And I Respond…

Both Responses Will Be Totally Different, But Does That Mean I Am Acting/Frontin’ For Either…

So For Us To Be ‘The Same’ Around Everyone Would Be Un Natural Right. Obviously Your Underlying Morals Stay The Same, But Each Can Be Adjusted Within A Situation.

Conversations With Different People Pull Responses From You. A Reason Why I Believe Conversations With Multiple People Enhance Our Understanding Of The World. You Learn So Much About Yourself In How You Respond To Others.

I’ve Just Returned From Amsterdam So Probably Haven’t Gone Into As Much Detail As I Would Have Wished. Fuck It.

@FeFeDean

Peace & Power

I Guess It’s Just Life…

*Inserts Script, Showing A Deep Conversation Between A Male And A Female About A Situation That Has Evoked A Feeling*

 

 

“I Guess It’s Just Life…”

 

What The Fuck Do You Mean. We Can’t Continue Putting Scenarios, Problems Or Luck Down To It Just Being Life.

 

Life. What The Fuck Is Life.

 

It’s Undefinable.

 

What Am I Doing Here…

 

 

@FeFeDean

 

Peace & Power

 

 

Frustration

Yes, I’ve Posted About A Similar Feeling Of Annoyance Before But This Is Constantly On My Mind…

 

Do You Ever Feel Angry, Frustrated Or Annoyed That Other Don’t Think Like You Do?

 

I Do, All The Time. Especially When They Way You Think Seems Like The Only Way That A Certain Situation Should Be Taken.

 

Though, It Is Impossible For Any Two Humans To Think Identically, I Wish It Wasn’t…

 

The Frustration, And Even Anger At The World Develops When You Fail To Put Across How You’re Thinking To Others. And Thoughts And Ideas Lose Impetus (https://leaningoverthebalcony.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=303&action=edit)

 

The Feeling Of Irrelevance Sweeps Over You, I Have Something To Say, Something That Will Impact Upon People – Yet, Because They Don’t Think Like I Do – They Take It In A Different Light And What I Really Want To Say Is Never Said, And I Hide. And Get High. Frustration Grows As I Wonder Whether Anyone Will Understand Me…

 

Why?

Why?

 

 

@FeFeDean

 

Peace & Power

 

The Legitimacy Of My Speech…

Okay So Firstly The Title ‘The Legitimacy Of My Speech’ Is A Little Confusing, I Will Explain…

It’s About 11.30pm And Me & My Two Boys Are On The Train, Coming Heading Home From A Failed Night Out. High. One Is Asleep Two Seats ALong From Me, The Other Opposite & Listening To Music. Two Mid 20 Females Board The Train & Sit Opposite Me, I Think Nothing Of It.

I’m Staying On The Train Longer Than My Boys, It Comes To Their Stop. I Wake One With A Tap On The Shoulder And Say “Yo This Is Your Stop” He Stand I Saw “Shout Me When You Get In Brother” And Proceed To ‘Nudge’ Him – The Second Gets Up And I Say “Get Home Safely… Bless” And Again Nudge Him.

They Depart. And I’m Sitting There.

The Journey Continues, Briefly, Until I Hear The Women Opposite Me Say;

“I Can’t Believe What We Just Saw”

“What A Interesting Childhood He Must Have Had”

“Why Do That Generation Want To Speak Like So”

(Three Lines Pulled Out Of Many More)

So I’m Sitting There Like… HOLD UP – Are You Questioning The Legitimacy Of My Speech – Oh How I Wished I Had Actually Asked Them. To Me It’s Offensive For Someone To Question How You Speak. What Was That Based On? The Fact I’m White? Their Own Pre Judgement Of What They Thought I’d Speak Like? Or What…

And Yes, I Did Have An Interesting Childhood, But I Beat I Could Speak Words Into Your Ears You’ve Never Heard Before.

Ironically At The Same Time, Two Seats Down From Me Are Couple Having The Most Eloquent & Elaborate Conversation. I Saw The Humor In It. Maybe My Speech Is Forced? Yeah Right. Fuck Off.

@FeFeDean

Peace & Power

Weed Chronicles – Volume One

So… Like Most Thoughts & Activities When High, They’re Very Spontaneous And Seem To Come In No Chronological Order…

I Have Been Meaning To Put Into Words The Thoughts That Go On Inside My Head When High For A Very Long Time.

The Wait Is Over…

So I’ve Smoked Up With My People. And I’m Walking Home.

I Start Freestyling While Walking Along. And I Eventually Come Up With This…

Commitment,

Put Me In A World I Don’t Know,

In A Fight I Can’t Win,

In A Position Where I Can’t See My Toes As The Darkness Closes In,

And The Fight That I Show,

Shows You What You Thought You Know,

That The My Main Strength Lies Within…

I Think I Was Basically Talking About My Commitment, And Dedication To My Family And Friends. That Even If The Situation Was A No Win One. I Would Fight For Them.

Commitment Sparked My Brain Into Action, I Started Thinking About Relatives Who Have Passed Away – I Then Remembered That I Was Walking Quite Near Where My Grandma Once Walked Into A Lamppost  I Look Up And BANG. I Have Walked Face First Into A Hugh Grey Pole. My Phone Has Gone Flying Forwards. How I Pictured It Was Like A Stereotypical Cartoon Character Running Into Something. Where They Look Like A Table. Both Legs And Arms Up, Wrapped Around The Lamppost. I Got Up, Dusted Myself Down And Carried On Walking…

As I Ventured On, Bearing In Mind It Was Like 1am. I Saw What Looked Like A Person Sitting On A Wall On The Other Side Of The Road. I Convinced Myself It Wasn’t A Person. But A Bin On A Wall. Then A Dog. As I Stood Opposite And Got A Proper Look, It Was An Elderly Man Wearing All Black With His Head Between His Knees. I Contemplated Asking Him If He Was Okay… I Kept It Moving…

Another Freestyle Moment, Seeing Where The Lido Once Was On Peckham Rye Reminded Me Of My Time As A Kid Growing Up In Brixton… Here’s What Came Out…

When I Roamed The Streets It Was With A YoYo In My Hand,

A Ninja Turtles Action Figure Tucked Into The Band,

On My Jeans,

Saw Batman Do It So Why Can’t We,

Our Life Was An Imitation We Were Yet To Define Unique,

But I Know What We Need,

Water & Light To Plant The Seed Of Life,

And Escape…

I Carry On. For Some Reason Peckham Still Holds This Reputation As ‘Being Dangerous’ – I Thought To Myself That I Haven’t Actually Seen Any Goons About For Like 6 Months. Then Three Figures Turned Round The Corner, Speaking Loudly. I Was Like FUCK. So I Crossed The Road, Keep It Calm, What’s The Point. Head Down. Step By Step. They Walk Past… It’s Three Asian Men Talking About Football. *Wipes Brow*

As I Turn Onto Rye Lane, I See A Police Car. Stationary. And Burst Into My Last Free Style Of The Night…

Fuck The Po Po,

Fuck The Po Po,

Why Do The Old Bill Always Think They’re Right,

They Weren’t There When The First Guy Swung The Right,

And The Second Guy Ducked,

And The Third One Bounced,

They Entered Blowing The Whistle When The Crowd Departed,

Shouting Loud Words But Everyone Had Allowed It…

Not Sure What I Make Of That. Or What You Will.

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@FeFeDean

Peace & Power