What My Mother Told Me…

My mother is more like me than any other human being I know, except you.

She once told me that “I and your dad were in love, and then we weren’t”…

Ever since she told me so, those words have resonated through me continually.

Do they you?

 

 

In this society love is a word over and under used.

 

I say I love everyone. And at the same time love no individual individually.

 

I love saying your name.

 

I love hearing mine.

 

Love. It’s The One Thing That We Can’t Define. Yet It’s The One Thing We’re All Trying To Find, So What The Fuck Am I Looking For – Felix Dean, 2000 And Something.

 

Advertisements

Questions

Thought About Life And I Laughed

Thought About Life And I Laughed

 

Q&Q – Questions And Questions

 

One Day I Would Love To Meet Another Being Who Revels In Answering Questions With Questions As Much As I Do. There’s A Tendency In This World To Demand Answers, To Force Them Out Of People. Why?

 

At The End Of The Day, The Bible Nor The Big Bang Theory Are Definitive, So What Will We Ever Actually Know!

 

Embrace The Empty Space That Your Mind May Sit In When It Asks Why? Or How?

 

And Don’t Let Unanswered Questions Get You Down. Allow Them To Better Yourself, Search And Explore More.

 

Be Strong.

 

Live Life How You Want.

 

@FindFe

 

Peace & Power

Felix Dean – Believe In The Smoke

Felix Dean – Believe In The Smoke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChGZCWxYaVM&feature=youtu.be

 

When I Blow Trees I Slow My Speech And Revel In Days When I Moderated The Breeze Which Resembled Perfect Peace In The East,

Still Live In The Belly Of The Beast Whisper Words Into The Air That I Want To Be Seen,

Eye Shots With A Window Breeze, A Full Spliff And A Few More Bags Of Cheese, Who Are We, Chillin’ And Free Optimistic…

Attempted A Move, And We Flew, A Crew But A Little More Smooth…

A Mellow Tune And A Mellow Mood A Light Lit And A Fire Sparked, Thought About Life And I Laughed, What Is It , Who? When? What? Why? Questions, Lies…

Cut Down Trees, Burn The Planet, But I Want To Live Forever, So What Am I Doing Fluent And True In The Path I’m Pursuing…

Ignorant Mood As A Flower Blooms, A Smile Turned To A Frown And I Frown Hands In Pocket Face To The Ground, It Wasn’t Found But They Knew…

Living The Dream But I Sleep,

Mirrored My Life In The A B C,

But Baby I See I Can Be All That You Want Me To Be And A Little Bit More,

I’ve Seen This Halways I’ve Treaded These Floors  And Unveiled My Flaws And We Saw What  We Didn’t Want To,

An Honest Guy I Told A Honest Lie I Had To,

Clenched My Fist Picked Up My Pride And Ran Through This Zoo That I Live In,

Robots As Children,

Pieces Of Puzzles Are Victims And I’m Just Looking Out Over My City Thinking What Is The Meaning,

Dreaming, Believing…

But The Dreams That I Have Aren’t In The Plan That He Had,

Frowned Upon And I Smile,

I’ve Faced This Before,

I Pray And We Talk,

And I Smoke And I Pray And I Pray That This Smoke Will Take The Pain Away Of The Unanswered Questions,

Raised In Hell But With An Angel I Dwell,

Until Old School Friends Play Kiss And Tell,

Wish Upon  A Wishing Well But I’m Not Wishing Anyone Well,

Well… Positive Outlook,

I Look Out And Cover My Eyes From The Sun,

It’s Like A One v One And I Won,

Three Sides To Me,

Triangles Of Speech,

Spectrums Of Light That Other Can’t See They Don ‘t Believe,

Smoke Rules Me As I Am Living In Everything Underneath As It Rises,

Yet Authority Is Mine,

And I Mine What’s Mine I Reap I Sow I Look I Find,

I Halted,

Perfect Not Guilty,

Not Quite Full So Still A Little Needy,

Explain Why.

Fallacy,

Your Mad At Me For Speaking Out Of Turn,

I Yearn For More Knowledge,

But If I’m Honest – Everything I Know Now Is Borrowed. He Told Me She Told Me. The Day I Follow My Ideas, Me The Director, Me As The Lead Then I’ll Become A Little Closer To Finding Out Just A Little Bit About Myself,

In This Space That We Know As Life ,

I’m A Dot On A Canvas Yet To Be Given Life,

Little Bit Stagnant, Sluggish, Inactive, Dormant,

We Want But We Can’t Afford It,

But We Flaunt With Shit That We Still Can’t Afford,

And We’re Not Happy When We Have What We Wanted Even Though We Know We Shouldn’t Have It,

The Materialistic Feel Its Real Like A Magnet It Tugs At My Spirit,

We Want To Make Change, We Made Change, We Had To Stop Change So We Could Really Make Change…

The Times Are Changing, The Time Is Changing, The Realisation That Time Is Running Out Makes Me Want To

Change Shit…

We All Take Facts As Facts, Someone Wrote Them Down Then That Is That?

 

 

Written While High, Actually It’s A Combination Of Two Pieces

Very Rough Recording On WebCam, Hopefully A Little Teaser For A Poem x Accompanying Video I Have In The Pipe Line

Feedback Is Appreciated

@FeFeDean

BALC

Peace & Power

What The Fuck Was I Thinking…

Last Night I Was Very High… And I Often Write Freestyles That I Look Back On And Think ‘What The Fuck Was I Thinking?’ – Though, There’s Usually A Line Or Two That I Look At And Think ‘What The Fuck Was I Thinking…’

So Here It Is…

 

Perfect Peace,

In The Deepest Sleep,

Is When I Think About Loved Ones Laid To Rest In Peace,

But Weirdly That Is When I Feel Most Free…

 

Peace & Power

 

@FeFeDean

I Guess It’s Just Life…

*Inserts Script, Showing A Deep Conversation Between A Male And A Female About A Situation That Has Evoked A Feeling*

 

 

“I Guess It’s Just Life…”

 

What The Fuck Do You Mean. We Can’t Continue Putting Scenarios, Problems Or Luck Down To It Just Being Life.

 

Life. What The Fuck Is Life.

 

It’s Undefinable.

 

What Am I Doing Here…

 

 

@FeFeDean

 

Peace & Power

 

 

Past Feelings

Closer To Death Than I Have Ever Been,

Feeling Freer Than I Have Ever Felt,

It’s The Feeling That One Feels When The Darkness Closes In,

And The Dreams About Death Feel A Little Closer,

Ghosts Of The Past Pop Up And The Feelings Push You Over,

What You Have Never Felt Becomes Acquainted With Your Soul With One Piercing Glare From The Dark Eyes Of A Dragon,

The Thoughts You Felt Become Closer Than You Could Ever Imagine,

Skulls Of The Underworld Are Within Reach Of Your Hands,

Pictured The World In Black And White,

The Black Closed In As You Questioned Life And You Wondering Why It Felt So Weird Was Nothing More Than A Wisp Of Smoke That Couldn’t Be Seen,

No Control,

Science,

Lied,

God,

Lied,

Life,

Lied,

And I Lay…

Feeling A Past Feeling.

 

@FeFeDean

 

Peace & Power

Frustration

Yes, I’ve Posted About A Similar Feeling Of Annoyance Before But This Is Constantly On My Mind…

 

Do You Ever Feel Angry, Frustrated Or Annoyed That Other Don’t Think Like You Do?

 

I Do, All The Time. Especially When They Way You Think Seems Like The Only Way That A Certain Situation Should Be Taken.

 

Though, It Is Impossible For Any Two Humans To Think Identically, I Wish It Wasn’t…

 

The Frustration, And Even Anger At The World Develops When You Fail To Put Across How You’re Thinking To Others. And Thoughts And Ideas Lose Impetus (https://leaningoverthebalcony.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=303&action=edit)

 

The Feeling Of Irrelevance Sweeps Over You, I Have Something To Say, Something That Will Impact Upon People – Yet, Because They Don’t Think Like I Do – They Take It In A Different Light And What I Really Want To Say Is Never Said, And I Hide. And Get High. Frustration Grows As I Wonder Whether Anyone Will Understand Me…

 

Why?

Why?

 

 

@FeFeDean

 

Peace & Power

 

Weed Chronicles – Volume One

So… Like Most Thoughts & Activities When High, They’re Very Spontaneous And Seem To Come In No Chronological Order…

I Have Been Meaning To Put Into Words The Thoughts That Go On Inside My Head When High For A Very Long Time.

The Wait Is Over…

So I’ve Smoked Up With My People. And I’m Walking Home.

I Start Freestyling While Walking Along. And I Eventually Come Up With This…

Commitment,

Put Me In A World I Don’t Know,

In A Fight I Can’t Win,

In A Position Where I Can’t See My Toes As The Darkness Closes In,

And The Fight That I Show,

Shows You What You Thought You Know,

That The My Main Strength Lies Within…

I Think I Was Basically Talking About My Commitment, And Dedication To My Family And Friends. That Even If The Situation Was A No Win One. I Would Fight For Them.

Commitment Sparked My Brain Into Action, I Started Thinking About Relatives Who Have Passed Away – I Then Remembered That I Was Walking Quite Near Where My Grandma Once Walked Into A Lamppost  I Look Up And BANG. I Have Walked Face First Into A Hugh Grey Pole. My Phone Has Gone Flying Forwards. How I Pictured It Was Like A Stereotypical Cartoon Character Running Into Something. Where They Look Like A Table. Both Legs And Arms Up, Wrapped Around The Lamppost. I Got Up, Dusted Myself Down And Carried On Walking…

As I Ventured On, Bearing In Mind It Was Like 1am. I Saw What Looked Like A Person Sitting On A Wall On The Other Side Of The Road. I Convinced Myself It Wasn’t A Person. But A Bin On A Wall. Then A Dog. As I Stood Opposite And Got A Proper Look, It Was An Elderly Man Wearing All Black With His Head Between His Knees. I Contemplated Asking Him If He Was Okay… I Kept It Moving…

Another Freestyle Moment, Seeing Where The Lido Once Was On Peckham Rye Reminded Me Of My Time As A Kid Growing Up In Brixton… Here’s What Came Out…

When I Roamed The Streets It Was With A YoYo In My Hand,

A Ninja Turtles Action Figure Tucked Into The Band,

On My Jeans,

Saw Batman Do It So Why Can’t We,

Our Life Was An Imitation We Were Yet To Define Unique,

But I Know What We Need,

Water & Light To Plant The Seed Of Life,

And Escape…

I Carry On. For Some Reason Peckham Still Holds This Reputation As ‘Being Dangerous’ – I Thought To Myself That I Haven’t Actually Seen Any Goons About For Like 6 Months. Then Three Figures Turned Round The Corner, Speaking Loudly. I Was Like FUCK. So I Crossed The Road, Keep It Calm, What’s The Point. Head Down. Step By Step. They Walk Past… It’s Three Asian Men Talking About Football. *Wipes Brow*

As I Turn Onto Rye Lane, I See A Police Car. Stationary. And Burst Into My Last Free Style Of The Night…

Fuck The Po Po,

Fuck The Po Po,

Why Do The Old Bill Always Think They’re Right,

They Weren’t There When The First Guy Swung The Right,

And The Second Guy Ducked,

And The Third One Bounced,

They Entered Blowing The Whistle When The Crowd Departed,

Shouting Loud Words But Everyone Had Allowed It…

Not Sure What I Make Of That. Or What You Will.

img035 (2) img036 (2) img037 (2)

@FeFeDean

Peace & Power

I Believe In Shooting Stars…

Wednesday, 6th September – 11.45pm

As I Delved Into My Bag To Get My House Keys, After An Evening Chill With @JunaCosmos & @4lchemist – I Looked Up And Saw, What I Initially Thought Was A Plane, The Most Beautiful Shooting Star. I Know It’s Possible To Lay And Look Up At The ‘Pin Prick’ Stars That Move Around Ever So Slightly – But This One Shot Across The Dark Sky For Around A Second And Vanished. Now, I’m Not A Scientist But The Picture That We See Above Us Actually Happened. The Light That We See Is Actually Millions Of Years Old!

I Looked Around Me To See If Anyone Else Had Witnessed Such Beauty, But There Was No One About – What If I Was The Only One To Have Seen It – I Stood Stationary Thinking About How Beautiful The World That We Live In Is. Is It Gods Creation? Yes. Has The World Developed Over Millions (Millions? Surely More) Of Years Into What It Is Now? Yes. God’s Creation v The Big Bang Is A Topic For Another Day.

I Have Written This, And Then Thought That Words Can’t Captivate The Beauty I Witnessed.

Oh Well…

Peace & Power

@FeFeDean